I really can’t cope today. Rod is gone and I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. We weren’t lovers but it still feels like he left me and I’ll never see him again. He sent me an e-mail that set me off first thing this morning. He said he would be contacting me and I’d better give him the support he needed or he’d kick my ass. My reply was rather harsh but I know I’ll stick by it sadly, I’m just that upset. I sent him a text page this morning that said I would change the address for his phone but I would not support his decision and he will NEVER see my face in Fort Collins.
To top things off the girls at work have finally decided that it’s time for me to “go out and get laid.” That didn’t set well with me either. Why can’t they understand that I just don’t like to go out to bars? They hit me with everything they had and truth be told I was fighting back the tears of rage that were welling up. “Do you enjoy being alone?” “How do you expect to meet people sitting at home playing the Sims?” “You’re going to spend the rest of your life alone if you don’t get yourself out there and mingle.” I might have had the strength to fight them off any other day but today. I felt like a trapped animal looking for a way out, but there was nowhere to go to get away. They just don’t understand. Their answer as usual is, “You need to have a few shots to loosen up.” Alcohol really isn’t the answer here as I tried to explain I was hit with the barrage of you need to have a few beers and “Why do you give a shit what people think?” This went on for what seemed like forever and was not good for my self esteem to hear at all. What they don’t understand is that I’ve done the bar thing and I didn’t like it when I was 20 something. Why the fuck would I like it now? Nothing has changed since then. Then it was Tammy’s turn. I should get Tammy to go out with us but then people might think we’re together. I’ve got news for them, the gays and lesbians can tell we’re not a couple even if they can’t.
After this day I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I think I’ll go to Best Buy and drown my sorrows with a new DVD. I’m hoping they have the new Olivia DVD.
Chew on that!