I really can�t cope today. Rod is gone and I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. We weren�t lovers but it still feels like he left me and I�ll never see him again. He sent me an e-mail that set me off first thing this morning. He said he would be contacting me and I�d better give him the support he needed or he�d kick my ass. My reply was rather harsh but I know I�ll stick by it sadly, I�m just that upset. I sent him a text page this morning that said I would change the address for his phone but I would not support his decision and he will NEVER see my face in Fort Collins.
To top things off the girls at work have finally decided that it�s time for me to �go out and get laid.� That didn�t set well with me either. Why can�t they understand that I just don�t like to go out to bars? They hit me with everything they had and truth be told I was fighting back the tears of rage that were welling up. �Do you enjoy being alone?� �How do you expect to meet people sitting at home playing the Sims?� �You�re going to spend the rest of your life alone if you don�t get yourself out there and mingle.� I might have had the strength to fight them off any other day but today. I felt like a trapped animal looking for a way out, but there was nowhere to go to get away. They just don�t understand. Their answer as usual is, �You need to have a few shots to loosen up.� Alcohol really isn�t the answer here as I tried to explain I was hit with the barrage of you need to have a few beers and �Why do you give a shit what people think?� This went on for what seemed like forever and was not good for my self esteem to hear at all. What they don�t understand is that I�ve done the bar thing and I didn�t like it when I was 20 something. Why the fuck would I like it now? Nothing has changed since then. Then it was Tammy�s turn. I should get Tammy to go out with us but then people might think we�re together. I�ve got news for them, the gays and lesbians can tell we�re not a couple even if they can�t.
After this day I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I think I�ll go to Best Buy and drown my sorrows with a new DVD. I�m hoping they have the new Olivia DVD.
Chew on that!