A moment of silence for Grammy, who lost her battle with bone cancer yesterday.
I know you are all waiting with baited breath to see if I went out last night. I met Tammy and we were off to Japon for some yummy sushi and Japanese beer. We decided that we�d go to JR�s for a drink with Margo and then off to catch Team America at Cherry Creek. We went back to her place after dinner to check movie times and so she could put on a little make up. We drove to JR�s and once I saw the mass of people in there I got physically ill. I really thought I was going to have to hang my head out the window and puke my dinner in the street. I couldn�t do it. I freaked out once again and said let�s just go to the movie. I called Margo, who wasn�t even close to being there by the way, and told her that I wasn�t feeling well and I was going to hang out with Tammy until I could take myself home. Funny, the closer we got to the theatre the better I felt. I think it�s time to face the fact that I might really have some social anxiety. I�m going to look into it and see if I can get some mental help. I can�t go on like this anymore. It�s getting to the point that I don�t even leave the house on the weekends unless Tammy is here and she goes with me. I can�t tell you the last time I actually went somewhere on a Sat by myself. I have to go out and get propane for the grill and a few groceries and I�m terrified to go. I know I will be fine once I get to the store and get things done but the thought of going scares the hell out of me. It�s spreading to my work environment too. I can�t even have a simple interaction with people that I hardly know. For example, the other day a guy named Cory stopped to chat with me at the copy machine while I was waiting for Christi and I had met him the week before at the low ropes. But I couldn�t even look him in the face. I�m not attracted to him so that wasn�t the issue like it is with Michael. I was breaking a sweat just standing there trying to think of something to say and then I wasn�t even listening to what he was saying to me. I wasn�t to run far away from him as fast as I could. So like I said, I need some help. I�m going to look through my insurance company today and see if I can find someone close by that might be able to help me with this. I�m so afraid that I�m going to end up as one of those news stories about the crazy guy that never left his house and no one knew he was dead until the smell permeated the outside world.
That�s the long and short of it!